Nomadic life after partner loss
In spring of 2023 after losing my husband Chris, I moved out of our place in Florida to head west. Because it was a cross country move, I got rid what didn't fit in my car and fully surrendered to the unknown of what was ahead. I had no idea what I was going to do or how I was going to make it through. No plans, just living moment to moment, day by day, incapable of thinking ahead more than a few days.
What I thought was just a logical decision not to spend thousands of dollars to ship all my things across the country, I later realized was also a practice in letting go and detaching from material things. It was the beginning of this nomadic life I now live. As hard as it was to let go of our brand new furniture and shared belongings, it was such a necessary part in my personal journey with loss. It has allowed me such freedom to travel light, go where my healing journey leads me, and live simply. Redefining "home".
Montana was the place I temporarily lived for the past 2.5 years and while I was there, I utilized a platform called "Furnished Finder" to locate short term furnished rentals. I lived in several different places while in Montana, every 3-6 months l'd find a new spot. It was a really beautiful experience for me to have a change of scenery while grieving, and to remember that home is not a physical place. Home is wherever I am, home is in me.
On that note - I highly recommend Furnished Finder if you are living a nomadic life, traveling light, and desire to experience different places for more than a month but less than 6 months. The platform was initially created for traveling nurses and has gained popularity, it is now widely utilized by those in life transitions who have the ability to travel for extended periods.
At the end of September I wrapped up my Montana adventure, packed up my car and headed back to the desert. I got myself a little casita for the winter in Arizona about an hour north of where Chris and I lived for 5 years. Earlier this year I felt guidance from him around coming back here. There is so much medicine in the desert, so much is imprinted here of our life together. I can feel there are layers of grief buried deep in me that only Arizona can bring to the surface. And yes, I definitely came here for a warm winter but it was the knowing in me to be with my heartache in a new way that lead me back here.
A few days ago I drove back to where Chris and lived. I went to our favorite sunset spot, the place we deepened our spiritual connection, precious moments witnessing him take it all in with such reverence. We'd drive with the windows down, feeling the warm desert air, playing our music, and head to watch the sunset. We didn’t know it on a conscious level but all along he was teaching me how to recognize him, how to connect to him, how to feel his frequency. In the things he loved, the energy of his smile, the times I really saw him - his true essence, his spirit. The greatest gift he gave me was the ability to feel him in what he loved.
I have no idea what lies ahead or where my journey will take me. This new life without my person is so much about faith and surrender. None of us know what lies ahead. Until something completely levels us, it’s easy to think our life will look a certain way, our plans will become reality, things will be relatively predictable. But everything can change in an instant, just like that - people we love die, plans are gone, and life is different.
I've shared a lot over the past year on social media about my somatic release practice, Lila Movement. A beautiful healing method allowing the emotions suppressed in the body to be expressed through movement. The practice is guided by a curated playlist and incorporates free flow movement, somatic postures, breath and stillness. It has been the single most powerful practice I have utilized throughout my experience of partner loss and the rollercoaster of emotions living in my body.
The tragedy of losing my husband so early in life has placed me on a unique path of service and opened my eyes to the importance of this work for our world. I get to teach people how to regulate their nervous systems, to practice being where their body is - here in the present moment, to feel and heal.
On the other pages of this website I share my personal story, how Lila Movement came to be, what it is, and who it’s for. If you or someone you know has experienced profound loss or a life altering event and are curious to learn more about how this method of somatic healing might support you, I invite you to schedule a free connection call with me.
Thank you for being here, for witnessing me, and for allowing my journey to impact your life in a small way. We truly are just walking each other home, back to ourselves.
To be in Lila {divine play} is to let go and allow yourself be danced by life.
Rio Verde, Arizona